You guys know that feeling where you really want to tell someone something but then you don’t want to? It’s like, you want them to know but you kinda have to let them figure it out by themselves? Yeah, I seem to be getting that right now.
I’ve realized that girls smile most when the littlest things you do for them happen on a regular basis. You may not think the littlest things seem so important, but she smiles more every single night playing them back in her mind.
You say to yourself "I don't care" but you cried a million tears at night. You say to others "I'm fine" but your heart knows you're not. You put a smile on your face acting like you're okay but deep down inside you're hurt more than ever. You can cry through the pain, smile like everything is fine, laugh your head off. But life is too short to be anything but happy.
a year ago i was talking to Him on the phone, talking about a kid i liked. this was the starting point of everything.. the 7 started to meet up at either around oct. or nov.. either way. almost a whole year ago.. and i am surprised at where life brought me. i remember a year ago i though He was the ugliest kid in the world, just a friend to talk to about the kid i liked, just a person i could use to find out more about the kid i liked.. haha . a year ago i had no clue i would end up with hannah as my closest friend ever, with Josh as a boyfriend (HECK i didnt even know the kid..) and everything turned upside down. i cant deny. 2009-2010 was motherfuckin hell till the month of june. everything changed, and a year ago i believed everything would stay the same, i was so stupid. i want to say, thank you Mr. Cockface, Miss Bighead and etc. for the hell you made me go through, but in the end, i believe i ended up stronger and more realistic. i hope thats a good thing (its prob not.) God really gave me a random destination, after all of that, but im happy with it.
just listening to “y (please tell me why)” and thinking about a year ago makes me sad. i have to admit, i enjoyed the time we had during the 7. it was pretty fun& amazing. i remember every single one of the memories we made at arbo..i remember the cold and the laughter and the feeling of ‘i belong here’..a perfect made family.. if there werent any of that drama crap it would have been my best year. but then again if none of that drama crap ever happened i would still be talking to Him right now at 1:19am, and hannah would be with mr faggot, ahram would still be my left butt cheek, jina would maybe have still liked brian, brian would have still liked hannah (?) i would have never talked to jon, and i would never ever have met josh..
..huh so weird. how everyone split except for Him& mr faggot. and me& hannah.
so cold. why am i so cold? why is this hollow feeling coming back into me?
why am i thinking every night.. why did i react that way in the mall… why does it surprise me…that……….
do i still…?
so many questions..
do i even know myself? i ask sometimes.
why are there so many questions about things i should know yet i dont?!
eekamimo is doing perfectly fine actuallyy♥ its actually quite scarryy ㅅㅇㅅ” shes been getting goodd grades (STRAIGHT A’S FAGG’s), loving her boo♥, tryying her best to walk to God†, and be nice to her familyy(: her grandmother&aunt are visiting america for the very first time (i think?) and the best thing is, its her FAV0RITE grandmotherr&aunt(; i think they will really help eekamimo get closer to God during there stay, since there own house in korea is a church, and since they are really REALLY close to God♡ . eekamimo’s rolemodel hannahhsuhh’s birthdays coming up& eekamimo want to get her something BIG BIG BIGG ! &eekamimo’s been having good times @school, andd shee also want to get her bby♥ something he will like, and that will remind him of herr x) she’s so exciteed ! for tehh month of october !
i feel so light, and happy& i just hope this feeling lasts long.
Professor:My brother died of cancer, even though he prayed to God to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn't. How is God good, then? Hmm?
(Student was silent)
Professor:You can't answer, can you? Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?
Professor:Is Satan good?
Professor:Where does Satan come from?
Professor:That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?
Professor:Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything. Correct?
Professor:So who created evil?
(Student didn't answer)
Professor:Is there sickness? Immortality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don't they?
Professor:So, who created them?
(Student had no answer)
Professor:Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son.. have you ever seen God?
Professor:Tell us if you have ever heard your God.
Professor:Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God, for that matter?
Student:No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.
Professor:Yet you still believe in Him?
Professor:According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, Science says your God doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student:Nothing. I only have my Faith.
Professor:Yes, Faith. And that is the problem Science has.
Student:Professor, is there such a thing as Heat?
Student:And is there such a thing as Cold?
Student:No, sir, there isn't.
(The Lecture Theatre became very quiet with this turn of events)
Student:Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don't have anything called cold. We can hit 458 Degrees below Zero which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of Heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.
(There was a pin-drop silence in the Lecture Theatre)
Student:What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?
Professor:Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?
Student:You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have Low Light, Normal Light, Bright Light, Flashing Light... But if you have No Light constantly, you have nothing and it's called Darkness, isn't it? In reality, darkness isn't. If it is, You would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?
Professor:So what is the point you are making, young man?
Student:Sir, my point is, your Philosophical Premise is flawed.
Professor:Flawed? Can you explain how?
Student:Sir, you are working on the Premise of Duality. You argue there is Life and then there is Death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, Science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?
Professor:If you are referring to the Natural Evolutionary Process, yes of course, I do.
Student:Have you ever observed Evolution with your own eyes, sir?
(The professor shook his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument was going)
Student:Since no one has ever observed the Process of Evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a Scientist but a Preacher?
(The class was in uproar)
Student:Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor's brain?
(The class broke out into laughter)
Student:Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? .. No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established Rules of Empirical, Stable and Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures?
(The room was silent. The Professor stared at the student, his face unfathomable)
Professor:I guess you'll have to take them on Faith, son.
Student:That is it, sir.. exactly! The link between man and God is Faith. That is all that keeps things alive and moving!
Did you ever notice that people give up on love as they get older? When you’re a little girl, all you want to do is fall in love. Then when you’re a teenager, every guy you meet you think is ‘the one.’ Then when you’re an adult, and you have been hurt from the breakup’s as a teen, you’re not interested in love anymore. You just don’t want to be alone, so you settle with someone you might even know isn’t your soul mate. I know so many adults that arn’t truly where they want to be. I just try to think what they might have went throught to make them settle for second best, and I hope that doesn’t happen to me.
thank you for waking me up at 12 in the morning and shoving a piece of paper in my face. okay sorry for making that sound sarcastic but really, thank you. if i never had looked at that piece of paper that has been lying in my room for AGES i would still be. alone, and . away from you. i finally found my fire again. and i want to rebuild it with love towards you, having hope in you, and having trust in you. i should have realized. relationships break, but being united doesnt. i want to be united as one with you Lord, and i just pray that you will help me. give me support and remind me that i am yours. im your beloved, and your creation. There is none like you… no one else can touch my heart like ou do Lord Thank you for letting me talk to you. thank you for letting me find all my grace retreat notes, and my superlockin notes. i feel so clean and ..at peace with myself, which i havent felt in a long time. thank you, thank you, thank you so much :)
i pray you wil help me find my way to you again, and let my fire grow slowly bit-by-bit piece-by-piece. i want to always remember you my Father, my King. i want to always remember that i am here for a reason, that i want to be a champion of hope and love, and to remember that life is a gift, enjoy it, for God has given me this. i want to remember to not be a footstool and that i am a move of God. Thank you for patiently waiting for your stupid daughter to find her way again
i love you Lord, My Father In Heaven, My Savior, and My King,