there’s only so much socializing i can handle before i get exhausted and just start getting annoyed of everyone and want to go home and sleep or lock myself up in my room and play video games or go on the computer
i feel like i’ll be going to school next week. this year went by so fast, and i loved this year. i got to meet people and find out their wonderful flaws and beauty and i’m just so grateful, how awesome my freshman year turned out for me.
sure, i could have done better with my grades. sure i could have made better decisions, but overall. i can’t complain, it’s been a good school year.
this summer started off on the wrong foot, but it’s getting better and better. I feel like i’ll get alot of thing’s done and i’ll probably make alot of new memories that i’ll cherish. i’m excited, quiet excited, for whatever is to come! (:
something’s wrong with me these past few weeks. I can’t put my finger on what it is, or maybe it’s just because i can’t put things into words very well. But lately I’ve realized I’m getting annoyed, and frustrated with people more easily. I’m complaining more, I’m thinking more, I’m killing my insides, I’ve gotten more rotten. I just don’t feel like my normal self. Nothing big has happened, what’s going on? why am i getting mad so quickly about the smallest things? Why am i so unhappy?
whenever i’m unhappy i always try to make myself happy, and do something about it, instead of complaining on and on. but lately i just feel so tired, cranky, pissed off, frustrated, annoyed, irritated, disgusted, guilty, and i feel neglected. i just feel all these negative emotions and i don’t know where all of these feelings are coming from. i don’t know where the source of the problem is. Is it cause i’m tired? No that can’t be it, there’s been months throughout this year where i would get 1 hr of sleep but be 10x more happy then i was now.
i used to always tell myself to swim, not sink. i would give myself a mental hug after every mental slap, but now i’m drowning from my own bitterness, my anger is driving me insane, i can’t calm down. what the fuck is going on.
maybe people just naturally irritate me, and that i’m naturally supposed to be better off alone. god they can all go to hell.
something’s changed inside of me, and i can’t get used to it, and i’m driving myself off a cliff.
So apparently after my family vacation, a few bed bugs tried to hitch hike from the hotel we stayed at in georgia, and they managed to get out of the suit case and into our house, so now i am paranoid as fuck. I have a little fear of small things, that can reproduce quickly, and invade just as fast. So i havent gotten much sleep from that, which is really bad since i have finals coming up. Not only that but surprisingly enough i’ve had to think about something that i normally never waste my time thinking about. I just feel like this week is gonna be a doosie.
in the midst of all of this, i still have to keep my grades up. school, why can’t you just do everyone a favor and fuck yourself.
“There is no point in keeping vengeance or stubbornness. These things” -he sighed- “these things I so regret in my life. Pride. Vanity. Why do we do the things we do?”—Mitch Albom, Tuesdays With Morrie