i couldn’t get any sleep before school because i was so angry at my friend. I don’t understand how someone can cheat. Especially if they found someone amazing and they know that and yet they take advantage of that.
Anyways, because of that i wasn’t able to fully be happy today even though today was probably a really really good day. I was able to see old friends and acquaintances, my classes aren’t bad at all (except Chemistry T__T)my lunch is great! my teachers seem really friendly, and the weather was extremely nice.
i hope i can get used to this year and get things done instead of last year where all i did was mess around. NOMOREGOINGWITHTHEFLOW-
“Friends and family came and went, sometimes helping her with her tears, other times making her laugh. But even in her laughter there was something missing. She never seemed to be truly happy; she just seemed to be passing time while she waited for something else. She was tired of just existing; she wanted to live. But what was the point in living when there was no life in it? These questions went through her mind over and over until she reached the point of not wanting to wake up from her dreams—they were what felt real.”—Cecelia Ahern
“Everyone must leave something behind when he dies, my grandfather said. A child or a book or a painting or a house or a wall built or a pair of shoes made. Or a garden planted. Something your hand touched some way so your soul has somewhere to go when you die, and when people look at that tree or that flower you planted, you’re there. It doesn’t matter what you do, he said, so long as you change something from the way it was before you touched it into something that’s like you after you take your hands away. The difference between the man who just cuts lawns and a real gardener is in the touching, he said. The lawn-cutter might just as well not have been there at all; the gardener will be there a lifetime.”—Ray Bradbury
as i was silently screaming to the ones i loved around me that i was not me and that there was something wrong, no one heard. No one found me the slightest bit out of place, they didn’t notice. And so i shoved all of my doubts and questions into the back of my head, which were too ugly to look at and too confusing to confront.
until she brought them all back up. All the things i was running away from, all the things i was avoiding, all the things that were too ugly and dis contorted to look at . As she painfully laid them all out to see in front of me i screamed and cried. i didn’t want to look. i tried so hard to ignore them before. But you took my head and made me see, and then i realized.
you helped me again and i can’t thank you enough. How many times is it now that you’ve given me a reality check? How many times is it now that you’ve helped me find my way again?
The times when i myself didn’t know what was wrong with me you were always there to clear things up. The reason why i’m so loyal to you as a friend is because it is my pleasure, and the least i can do to pay back for all the times you’ve helped me when i myself didn’t know how. Thank you
Now i remember who i was before. The stronger me, the one who knew how to stand up instead of running away. My ‘go with the flow’ theory is horrible, i need to reevaluate myself. I need to find my mossy (:
i think i like someone. No, i definitely like them- as a friend. But i don’t trust myself enough to see if i like them any more then that. it’s a question that’s been nagging me in the back of my mind for months.
because when it comes down to it, to my past, i had always convinced myself that i had liked them more than a friend, and that i was lonely and ready to be in a relationship. But as soon as my dream became reality, i lost interest real quick, and i was always the one to pull back first, and eventually- break away.
what i have now is precious, it’s amazing, and i love what it is right now. but for some reason i can’t help but want more, even though i know it’s because i don’t have it. Once i obtain it, i know i won’t want it anymore. And then i’ll end up making something that was once fantastic into a regret. I just don’t want to make any more mistakes any more. I’m so cautious, that i’m scared to live my life.
one of my close friends told me to just go with the flow. that if it’s meant to happen, it will, secretly. Like we’ll be in a relationship but not even know it. and i think that’s the best advice for someone like me whose deathly afraid of commitment for no reason. I like what she told me alot, but it requires patience, and that’s something i lack. But i already know in the back of my mind that that’s not the real problem, the real problem is- will i even be around later?
I’m scared, because life does its own thing every time. I predict something about the future and it always turns out to be different. Like as if it does it on purpose just to trick me and tell me that it’s always four big steps ahead of me. I hate it.
i think i’m just crazy and i need some harry potter time. escapingrealityandintoaworldotherthanthis ftw! LOL goodnight.
“For some of us, books are as important as almost anything else on earth. What a miracle it is that out of these small, flat, rigid squares of paper unfolds world after world after world, worlds that sing to you, comfort and quiet or excite you. Books help us understand who we are and how we are to behave. They show us what community and friendship mean; they show us how to live and die.”—Anne Lamott
Jessica Yun I miss you so much oh my goodness and you're so pretty please hang out with me when I get home okay bye I love you
holy cow, i think your back today right? i’m not sure i got my phone taken away, but we need to hang out as soon as possible because i miss you and your amazing and of course i would hang out with you! <3 YOUR BEAUTIFUL and and and you don’t understand how happy i am to hear from you :D