July 15 2014 / 2:22 AM / Strong / Tuesday

I was too exhausted from yesterday’s field trip to type about my experiences so i will type them out tonight. 

  • So after i had written my last tumblr post i went to bed. I woke up to Jocelyn’s face calmly saying “guys it’s 9:26” and i knew the bus was supposed to leave at 10. Right when she said that Teddy literally rolled over me and started running around, getting ready. My senses snapped back and i took the quickest shower of my life and just everything was a mess. i didn’t have the right shoes so i had to borrow jocelyn’s 9 in sneakers and socks, carol’s sports bag, brittany’s bug spray, teddy’s ball cap and in less than 10 minutes, teddy and i were sprinting with pizza leftovers across the campus to the bus. The pizza sauce got everywhere so teddy gave the leftovers to some random asian kid and we hopped on the bus. Right when we came in, everyone was already there and quiet since it was still the morning but brittany and carol were so kind and saved a row of seats for us. As i was in the process of sitting down, unsurprisingly i hit my head on the roof of the TV thing above our seats and everyone laughed. Man, the ride there was extremely fun, I just get along with Ted really well.
  • When we got to hanging rock (it was around an hour drive) first thing first me and ted ran around and started to venture. Actually i was more of the follower and she was the leader since i wasn’t exactly in my element (i’m not the most athletic person, meaning i don’t have any stamina so you can assume how much i struggled). A bunch of girls from our hall stayed together like Mia, Jackie, Tea, Brittany, and Carol and we had some random people as well like daniel and ishmael. We ventured into a crevice/ secret area that was a bit off from the main path and we ate our lunches sitting on the giant rocks, while the wind breathed into us. When we came down, everyone else started following our trend and later i found out that if we had stayed a little bit longer we would’ve gotten in a lot of trouble. Anyways, after we ate our lunches, ted ran off into a secret path and daniel seperated as well, so then me and the strong dorm girls continued on the main path and took pictures. We proceeded until we finally got to the ‘hanging rock’ and holy shit let me tell you it took my fucking breath away. the weather was perfect. The sun wasn’t mercilessly beating down, instead there was a slight overcast. The wind howled and danced around the groups of students as they tried to keep their eyes open while taking photos. On the other hand, after a while i gave up on trying to take pretty pictures and instead started to just appreciate the view. I saw on the very ledge, inches away from falling off, and just stared at the beautiful scenery. It was exhilarating. I couldn’t remember the last time i had gone hiking in america. I normally go hiking in korea but this was a first in a long time. It’s so interesting to see the cultural differences. In korea the stairs are made of rocks and there are ropes to keep people from getting lost. In this hiking expedition, there were no ropes, but only wooden stairs. Anyways back to the story, after enjoying the cool temperature and trying to keep my cap on, i convinced a couple of people to come with me to the waterfalls.
  • Oh man the waterfalls. There were two, one was ‘hidden’ while the other was larger. Actually both were quiet small but it didn’t matter i still enjoyed both of them. When we got to the ‘hidden’ falls, automatically i started to strip into just my bikini and ran in. Why did i do that? well i already saw people there who were extremely conservative and i wanted to set an example for others to just enjoy the refreshing cold water entirely. After the others saw me and after a couple of shocked remarkrs, people started to join and stripped and started to play with the water. I slipped on the rocks a couple of times but it was super fun and tranquil. I sat down after a while and began to take everything in around me. The reflection of the water on the rocks. The soft texture of the moss between my toes. The rhythm of water splashing and falling. The nature around me. Everything. It was too beautiful.
  • After a while, i moved to the next waterfall which was bit more of a walk. When i arrived, a group was already there and playing with the water. i’m not sure why but instantly an image of fairies playing in ponds flashed across my mind. This waterfall was a bit different from the ‘hidden’ one. There was a giant, massive cave behind this water fall, and people were hanging out inside. the soil in the cave was cold but mushy and soft. Girls were intimidated that the water would wash their make up off. I got past the fear and slowly walked into the center of the waterfall. The cold water made contact with my face and surprisingly my eyes burned and had the taste of salt in my mouth. i didn’t mind though, it reminded me of the ocean. i encouraged the others to do the same and i got a few to join. it was like an outdoor shower, were there was just pleasure and laughter. The sun came through at this moment.
  • On our way back it was a struggle, oh lord but it was extremely comical. I focused on laughing and making fun of Jon and it took my mind off the walk. I was crying with laughter by the time we got back.
  • when we got on the bus back to the campus, ted sat next to me again. Apparently when she wandered off, daniel had followed her and later they met up with carol and had gone to the lake. While we exchanged stories, we ended up falling asleep on each others shoulders until we arrived on campus. When we got off, i was the first in the shower and when i tried to walk to dinner my body felt incredibly sore but fresh and exercised. i felt healthy.
  • Later after dinner, i walked about to my dorm to sleep but fortunately i got on tumblr first. that’s when i found out that there was supposed to be a ‘supermoon’. Without a doubt i knew i had to see it and i couldn’t afford to sleep so i got up, put some fresh clothes, and walked out with my giant camera in hand. I plugged in my earbuds and proceeded to walk to the amphitheater with the mindset that i’d ignore everyone around me and focus on watching the moon. Surprisingly, while i was on my way, ted snuck up behind me and gave me a pat on the head. At that moment, the world seemed to pause in my mind as if it was a game and there were three options i could chose: 1) invite ted to watch the super moon with me 2) tell ted to go look for the super moon and walk off 3) laugh and proceed to walk forward. i didn’t know which one so i originally picked 2 but then i couldn’t stop myself and after i told her about the super moon, immediately following my statement i invited her to come join. Ted being the awesome person she is gladly accepted it and enthusiastically joined me on my hunt to find a good place to gaze at the moon.
  • when we got to the amphitheater we ended up unsatisfied and wanting to explore other areas to moon watch. We ventured behind the giant roof and stumbled upon evan and hank hammicking, and unintentionally found ourselves in the hot gym where coincidentally jocelyn, claire, and some guys were playing basketball. Fortunately i had my camera with me so i was able to take some shots for the gsw slideshow (publications) and later i was able to sneak a peak at Max (this really super hot kid holy shit). After a while, me and ted were the last ones to leave and on our way to the dorm, we saw the super moon. The image spurred excitement and we quickly started to run around looking for areas once more for moonwatching. we finally came to settle for the stairs behind our dorm. it wasn’t the perfect spot, but it was the best we had. we sat on the stairs and i played my cowboy bebop playlist and we just sat there and gazed and the moon. Every now and then we talked but it wasn’t the normal useless empty small talk. No, i never really had those useless awkward small talks with ted, she just isn’t the type of person to have those with. Instead the feel words that were exchanged had a certain weight to them. I really like her. She’s a fascinating individual that i can have endless conversations with about life and perspectives. I can share with her ideas of reality, my books, music, talent, anything. It was such a strong moment. I know it’s going to be a special memory for me. Any memory with the moon is a special memory for me
  • afterwards jocelyn ted and i ate ramen and there was some tension between jocelyn and tea but it was some what sorted out today (kind of) 
  • i got jocelyn to make a kakao and ted as well. Shit imma try and get everyone on campus to make a kakao. 
  • that was all yesterday, today i woke up late but managed to squeeze breakfast in. In art, we started working on the mesh net and the wire installation. Afterwards i did laundry, passed out (which was unfortunate since jocelyn’s math presentation was today :(  ) and ordered cheese sticks. today was pretty uneventful and tiring but i think it was necessary since i was still physically exhausted from the hiking trip. my butt STILL hurts. Oh and area 3 was kind of boring as well since we were talking about white male priviledge. 

i’m having way too much fun here. After the hiking trip, arun called and i was really glad to hear his voice and that he went out of his way to call. It showed that he missed me and cared and i really appreciated that. but at the same time it was a solid reminder that in less than a couple of days, this would all come to an end. That this, my time in governor school west 2014, would be over. It’s a countdown and i hate it. i’m extremely comfortable with my lifestyle here. Going to optional interesting, educational seminars about life. Hanging out with everyone at the Babcock basement, playing pool (being a ‘hustler’) and super smash bros. Exploring and venturing to different corners of the campus. Eating shitty food at the rat fac or ordering pizza. Taking 5 minute showers. Doing laundry and forgetting about it 2 hours later. The people here. I don’t want to go back to living with my family, with rules, with temptations. i’ve been so good here. i’ve met some super awesome, interesting and intellectual individuals. Can i just bring the few people i love back at charlotte here?

july 13 2014 / strong 203 / 5:15 AM / Sunday

Oh man, in less than 5 hours i will be hiking up on hanging rock. I should most definitely be asleep but i’m way too awake. I always feel like myself the most at night when everyone else’s asleep. 

  • Yesterday, i forgot to type in here because i was doing my roomie’s make up with teddy. Oh man, did she sure look gorgeous. i’m jealous because she already looks pretty without make up but with it on, oh man. She has these perfect lips like flower petals and eyes as wide and delicate as softly thinned dough. i’m not good at describing things but damn it was fun. i love doing other people’s make up it’s like as if their face is a canvas but not.
  • last night was too funny. theodora and i kept spilling shit and i chased her into the fucking nasty moist showers to delete a picture of me on her phone. i’m such a potato. she’s so fucking hilairious i can’t handle her spongebob impersonation
  • i thought the dance was yesterday but instead the dance was today and it was basically like the first dance- very mild, very awkward. But i didn’t mind this time because i knew what to expect. Instead the getting ready and leaving part was the best. While getting ready, everyone took pictures and it was great. my roomie dressed as this boxer named rocky, while mostly everyone dressed in black and wore a mask. (the dance was a masquerade ball). I did the same but instead of wearing a dress i just wore a black mesh shirt and skirt. While at the dance i got to see Johnny boy and Chicken and shomo and all their masks. It was pretty hilairious. at one point erica my art teacher ran into me with luca and she hugged me and ran off again. No way at AK would any teacher hug me and run off. That was kind of heart felt. Also, my gay art TAC was dressed up as a drag queen and that was pretty awesome. it was interesting to see some people dressed up in costumes while others just wore a dress and a mask and some who didn’t even wear a mask but chose to dress up and the rest who didn’t dress up or wear a mask. I saw a pirate/motorcycle dude, a drag queen, horses, unicorns, gray haired masks (our TAC mary margaret), prom dresses, construction workers, a girl dressed in all gold, minnie mouse, etc. it was really interesting and pretty funny
  • (sat) in area 2, we finished up the twilight: 1992 riots documentary and we had a discussion afterward about it. it was really intriguing to hear about my classmates opinions because they were so radically different from mine. I felt kind of attacked because my opinion was unpopular and not many people agreed with me, but i couldn’t help but wonder if it was because i was in a class with a majority of white kids, or if it was because i was korean and i could identify myself with the characters portrayed in the documentary. Because you see, it wasn’t a typically documentary, instead it was a THEATRICAL documentary. Everyone had mixed feelings about it. Most people agreed that it was different in a good way and that they felt like the one actor who portrayed various different types of people served as a blank slate that helped others from unconsciously, automatically judging them. My opinion was that it seemed kind of disrespectful and uncomfortable. Why did i think so? thanks to jessica and cassie, i was able to put my finger on exactly what parts about the documentary that made me feel extremely frustrated and uncomfortable. for one, this one actor was acting all of the different characters in the documentary; male, female, white, hispanic, black, young, old, asian, all with different types of backgrounds. To play all of these different roles in a distinct manner, she acted based on very evident and blatant stereotypes that made me feel as if she was mocking the people speaking. i still can’t tell if it’s because i was raised in a society where imitation is mostly focused on mocking and satire. For example, for the korean woman, she acted as if she forgot an english word; ignite. i felt so awkward when she acted because i knew that a real korean woman could’ve easily done that, but it just felt uncomfortable for it to be imitated by a woman who i already knew could speak fluent english. it made me frustrated because i felt a sense of anger. That these genuine feelings were being acted through someone who might not completely understand. Is it okay to act a person’s identity through heavy stereotypes? This led the discussion to the topic of trust. the people who agreed with my unpopular opinion realized that my frustration with the actor could be because that i didn’t know this actor and if she could honestly portray these emotions accurately. i wanted to see the characters myself and have control over my own judgment instead of getting a biased judgement from a 2nd hand source. This led to the topic of whether that means that i trust my own subjective judgement compared to others and then we had to talk about subjectivity and objectivity and the fine line between the two. But is there an exact fine line? area 2 just made me think a lot about ambiguity and race and identity and culture and conflicts and stereotypes and my head just really hurts. i really liked it though. i got to exercise a part of my mind that i don’t exactly normally get to exercise.
  • today we also had a multi-disciplinary seminar before the ball. Holy shit was it good (but not as good as the transmission seminar). it all started when i woke up to my roommate poking me telling me that i had to follow her to the FAC to be her participant. early this week i had agreed to be her representative for her Area 3 project. anyways, we walked to the FAC and waited for 30 minutes, and quickly everyone in the area 3 representative realized that their people who were supposed to represent them had ran on them except for me. i was the only person who stuck through for my person who was my roommate. my roommate realized this and told me she was really grateful that i didn’t show her up and that i had stuck through with it. honestly i was still half asleep so i half-assingly nodded my head as we entered hanes (or was it shirley?) hall. i still didn’t know what i was going to do. each audience representative had to speak after their stage representative had gone. The audience representative had to stand up among the crowd and announce their resistance to a certain stereotype that they’ve experienced. honestly i feel like our job was more terrifying then their job since all they had to do was stare at a crowd from the stage and speak quietly into the mike while the audience representatives had to stand up randomly in an unplanned manner and shout so that everyone could hear. Anyways after jocelyn went, i stood up and spoke my line loud and clear ” MY FACIAL PIERCINGS DO NOT MAKE ME ANY LESS QUALIFIED FOR A JOB… RESISTANCE!!” later, people told me that i had spoken the loudest and with the most emotion. honestly it felt powerful to yell and look at the audience while standing up. It felt good to be part of the presentation man
  • open night mic- one word: SHITHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (michael and nicholas performed and just cancer jokes and just holy shit and like catherine told the story about poop and just holy shit HOLY SHIT AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA)
  • today jocelyn, ted and i looked at chapel’s application essay questions and started to evaluate each other’s personality quirks. For mine ted said that i was really crazy but independent. like i could find or have fun on my own and didn’t need to rely on anyone. that made me think of the irony in my life.
  • today ted slept over again and dang. holy shit dude. i’m going to seriously miss her. like holy shit. holy shit. she’s not like the people i know in charlotte. well the people here in general are not like the people back home but ted’s something. She’s someone i can have an intelligent conversation with about perspective and life and different views and art and everything. I can’t have that with most people. with most people i feel like i talk too much, or i feel suffocated like i can’t talk at all. with ted i feel a perfect balance and much more. Watching her talk about her walk in life i feel different. She comes from a military background, a whole other world compared to the ones i’ve lived in. it’s different. i want to know more. i can talk to her about books, music, fashion, everything. she’s so intriguing and different. her vocabulary, the way she’s from the north with her amusing accent, and just like her perspective on life.

i don’t want to leave. i want to bring the people from governor school with me. i wish this was a real school. i love the teachers. i love the projects. i love the homework. i love my fucking dorm specifically my hall. i love the friends i’ve made here. Jocelyn, Ted, Alicia, Soomin, Shomo, Andrew, Sydney, Justin, Jade, Madelin, Corryn, Taylor, Carol, Connie, Faith, Tea, Brennan, Jon walls, Jon White, Anna, Katie, Kekichi, WesMoney, Bprice, Claire, Jared, Dalton, Brittany, Emma, April, Ayan, Cassie, Ryan, Hank, Evan, Sunny D, William, Christian, Egg head (Chandler), Walker, Ishmael, Jessica G, jessica from area 2, just fucking everyone. i wish i could fucking bring them all to charlotte. (some of them actually do live in charlotte but that’s like 10% of these people). 

i don’t want to leave in a week and a half. please jesus make time slow down. i like it here.