so i haven’t vented in such a long time on here. i haven’t typed anything personal for a while. i don’t even have the energy to log on and vent anymore. my summer’s just too full, it’s irritating! Summer school (trying to get ahead), SAT tutoring, summer reading classes, work, lessons, community service, fucking HOMEWORK from all of them(yeah, it’s bad), and all of this is just too much for me.
i’m so used to having all the free time in the world that all of this is making me go insane. the little time i have at home, i pass out. I never see any of my friends anymore, and i’m just mad because my summer is turning out to be so much more harder than my normal school year. I’m turning so cranky and bitter from my schedule. I don’t feel like myself, i feel sloppy and pissed, and just overall- unhappy.
lately i’ve been talking to this guy, and i’m just so pissed off from the false hope i got. i thought i could trust myself enough to not give shit, but apparently i can’t. i still miss him insanely. i’ve been fucking around too much. god damn, i hate summer. At least during the school year i could have enough time and energy to look at the clouds, and hang out with my friends. at least during the school year i’m too busy having fun to focus on relationships and stupid crap like that. at least during the school year i’m happy, .. long story short- it’s just alot more bearable than this.
i just need to complain, and get it off my chest.
i hate summer. i just want the school year to start so that i can go insane and all over the place again so that i wont be giving the time to feel. so that i can feel mentally high and unfocused. blurry and unclear, the way i like it.
normally i’m alot more calm and less vulgar in my thoughts, but.. lately i just feel like i’m being shoved against a wall. i need to escape.